choices

Dear God
Will you be with me when I die?
Were you there with my mother?
She died
in an ambulance
with an attendant
who prayed for her
as she left her life behind.
She did not die alone.
Jews are not supposed to die alone.
But how does one have any say in that?
How is there any control over that moment?
Is there a choice?
I choose to die now.
Not later. Not tomorrow. Now.
Unless I pull the trigger my choice
is a moot point.
My mother did not choose her time to die.
Or maybe she did.
But she was not alone.
And perhaps. Just perhaps.
You God were there too.
© Karen Casady 2019

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